I found an apartment! With an English woman with a great sense of humor and her husband from Paraguay. My window looks out on trees and a beautiful historical house. They have a white cat who rubbed my face with hers the first time we met. This is a good thing and I'm very happy about this. It's one of those 'meant to be' moments. Thank you universe.
The new place is great but the uprooting from the old is painful and I'm deeply regretful for my actions that led to this decision. My ex makes no bones about her need for my quick disappearance, her resentment of my existence. I know she can't help it but it bruises me deeply. I am a dog looking for a new home.
There will be no trips to Michigan or swimming in the lake together anymore. She does not want to make me laugh anymore. She doesn't need me or want me. And hope wells up inside, keeping me from believing this is permanent and I can't decided if I should smash this hope or embrace it.
I regret. I regret. I miss her so much. She is more than I gave her credit for. She is more than she gives herself credit for. This all has been such a hideous waste by a selfish, childish, stupid person. Me.
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6 comments:
Doesn't that make it all the worse, when you can't blame someone else and you have no choice but to take full responsibility for a crappy situation? Yeah, I guess it does. I'm sorry. But I'm glad you found an apartment with a nice white cat.
Yes, it does but I've learned so much from it. Just too late. I feel so miserable.
I have this sick, compulsive need to see the good side of everything. I think it's a coping mechanism to save me from the depression that would likely result from being any other way.
So with that huge disclaimer on my Pollyanna ways, may I say that while your sitch totally sucks and it hurts like hell, it won't hurt forever and perhaps will even pave the way for a better relationship.
Izzy-thank you.
Aw sweetie. Nothing can be ALL your fault...there was more than 1 player on the field.
All we can do is learn and go forward, hoping to do better.
love you
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