"Wait, fucker!", I use my foot to push him across the floor hoping it's with enough momentum to bowling ball him into my other nagging cat Iris.
To avoid any further build up of resentment that may lead to me killing them, I force myself to take care of what I want to do first. Real selfish shit like, take my shoes off. Put my bags down and get a drink of water. As I'm doing this he's weaving between my legs, screeching and I'm taking phantom swings at his head, cursing his mother.
Finally I pull the food out of the fridge, phantom kicking and punching at him to keep him out from under my feet. I drop his food bowl with a clang and he huffs the mush into his fat head, crashing his teeth into the metal bowl.
And now they lay so cutesy and lovey on the bed. Purring and cleaning like that's who they really are and I'm sitting here seething, plotting their demise.
The offenders.
11 comments:
I am so glad my cat's not a bitch like that. Head would roll. Cat heads.
Des~ This past week I learned that there are NO SQUIRRELS on Nantucket. Thought you might like to know for future vacation plans. (Very excited about that for you.)
GR~ Cliff is me - in cat. Hilarious post!
Bad Bad Pussy!!
Des-indeed. and in the morning, two hours before I usually feed them Iris leaps on and off the bed hovering next to my face making moaning, bitching sounds, Siamese style. It's so irritating that I start plotting and then dreaming about knocking her across the room.
Krisitn-If you act that way when you come over for dinner you will be phantom kicked.
LOL about the squirrels, don't tell her that! She needs to work through this terror...hehe.
Toasty-I usually adore pussy, both kinds but when mine are hungry (just the one kind) I'm hatin'.
Kristin - very good to know. I may have to plot my escape there away from said squirrels (and GR!)
:)
I've got two kitties so I know what you mean. Sometimes they are sooooo sweet but other times they are nuts!
Luckily my dog is NOT like that...I think it is because I recued him and he eternally grateful.... I think he would hate to go back to the shelter... as he nearly died there...
Maybe my dog should have a talk with your cats!!!!
Have you forgotten how we got some respect from the many beasties you gathered over the years?
Can you say water pistol?
Dad-I am an expert water pistol shooter but I left it at Kayla's. Must retrieve to tame.
Pen-my dog lives with my ex (our dog, well her dog mostly). He is the same kind of savage. He also was a rescue and he had to live on the streets for two months before animal control could catch him so he has that desperate fear of having to snarf everything in his site.
my wee beastie just mews pathetically, mostly. springs up on the counter while i'm trying to put stuff away. and purrs like a motor engine. thrum thrum thrum.
it's later in the evening when he starts to go into CWAZEE KITTY ATTACK mode.
Laura-LOL, well hubby needs to get over it cause Frank isn't going anywhere.
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