I am not prepared

Another dream. Desperate pleas for K to take me back. For K to love me again.
I kept grabbing her arms and holding her still. I thought if I begged, if I touched her long enough I would remind her of me and she would cave. Not once, not once. She didn't want me.
A second dream screen played on the side. It contained K and her new love, so happy. They were going to visit Ks family for the first time. I was bent and doubled in the pain of being replaced so completely.
More grappling and pleading on my part and eventually K became blind to me. Her eyes were unfocused and she looked beyond to someone behind me. I was invisible right in front of her and she moved away into a hazy world, happy and away. All I could do was watch, I no longer had any pull.
There was a vague sense of suffocation or more like drowning. Everything was blue and underwater like.
This dream has tripped me up. Where I wasn't feeling this empty overwhelming loss, the ache has come to sit again. For now.

I know where it comes from.
K has been so nice and friendly. Friendly. She is funny and friendly. Says things friends say to friends, to me. To me. I am not her friend but she has been in her new relationship long enough, gotten over me long enough that now I am nothing more than the past and a friend. A friend.
Although I go along and even encourage the banter between us I'm not ready for my new role. I haven't rehearsed and each nicety scrapes my heart and bleeds.