Why didn't..

anyone read my squirrel post?? Are you all squirrel haters like des? They hold their food with their little hands when they eat. How can you hate squirrels?

Hate your job?

This read is a must for you: Dear Asshead Republican Corporate Swine Fuckstain, brought to you by, Fetch Me My Axe

I'll take that, thank you

After work I went to the park near where I live to sit in the grass and let go of my day. I had bought an apple earlier and had been feeding various squirrels I had encountered. (Background info: For those of you who don't know, I have a dog walking business and I'm in the parks all day.)
For some reason the squirrels in this particular park, whom I didn't know seemed to know somewhere in my stuff there was something for them. Mind you my apple is in a plastic bad in my tote bag. Four squirrels hopped over to me within the first two or three minutes.
I unwrapped the apple and started to dole it out. One of the squirrels seemed intent on eating apple but only picked up one piece. After that she kept close, making moves as if she were asking for more but never picking up the pieces I gave her.
I had a sneaking suspicion she wanted to be in charge of the apple itself. I held out what was left and she ran up and bit into it, I didn't let go, she took her hand and pushed it out of mine and took it away for herself.
If I were to interpret this behavior through human experience I would say she's a selfish squirrel.

Quantum huh?

Have you seen What The Bleep Do We Know? It's a great movie. It talks about quantum physics and how intentions scientifically effect our world around us. One of the many scientists in the movie, Dr. Masaru Emoto What The Bleep, water crystals created an experiment showing how water responds to peoples intentions in a way that can be seen through a microscope.
Roughly, he put water in different small bottles. Some were prayed over, others cursed at. Each bottle of water had different forms of water crystals when examined. They looked like snow flakes. The ones that were blessed were beautiful white designs, the ones that were cursed were orange and unhappy looking.
Near the end of the movie one doctor discussed how every morning he woke and chose to manifest his own destiny for that day. He created it in his mind, sent it out into the universe and then asked that it be sent to him in a way in which he would know that it was from the universe. A sign if you will.
This action is something that supports my personal spiritual beliefs and I was excited to incorporate it into my life.
The last two days I've woken up and asked for truth and what is real to show itself to me. I asked that it be showed in a way that I would know it was from my intentions and the universe.
Well, I can't bare to go into the details as it was a heartbreaking revelation and it was given in a way that was a sign to me. The information has all but sent me off the ledge. But it was the truth that I was asking for and I'm grateful.

As a side note I also sent energy out about someone I've been curious about, I wanted to see her. Not defining it in anyway but that I wanted to visually see her.
I was laying in the grass in the most beautiful park overlooking the water. She walked into the grass with her friend and laid a blanket down and stayed. I was blown away.
Watch the movie.

I'll be 37 in August

My mother's picture sits on my desk. It's about 25 years old actually. Writing that seems absurd. Was I really 10-11 when that photo was taken? Am I really this old? Yes.
I've become a person who is on the backside of 30. A person who finds herself washing out zip-lock bags for reuse. I do not get leered at as much as when I was 25 and I have been called Ma'am by teen and early 20 year old restaurant workers.
This idea that I'm not one of those people who attracts or is attracted to 20 somethings anymore is something I haven't thought much about until now. It lends a touch of panic to my shifting life. Why panic? I'm touchy lately so the feelings bump a little harder.
I can't help but think I'm going through a shift in my head about who and what I want near and close to my heart. I don't want to define and categorize but there seems to be some of that going on. I won't say I'm not open to situations and people who don't 'fit'. But there's a turning over of puzzle pieces so they face up. I want a clear and honest view of the picture on the box.

this is happening

Onward pagan sister, the scales have tipped towards permanency. And as I ax my way through the knots and snares of clinging regret I see beyond to the sadness (what's new) and a slipping thrill of possibility, for now, both in equal parts.

I thought of him all day

A homeless man was wandering by the train as it sat stopped in the station. He had a piece of blue tape over one eye to keep it closed. He didn't look up, only down at nothing.
Most homeless folks that I encounter have an edge. They have their metaphysical dukes up. Protecting themselves from the rest of us and our disregard, disgust and sometimes fear of them.
But not this man. He looked beaten and so tired of his life. He was hopeless and sad. He wasn't asking for money, he wasn't looking to get on the train for a spot to sleep. He was just moving because there wasn't anything else for him to do.
Such a sharp pang of sadness ran through me. And still, I got on the train and did nothing. I wonder what I could have done, what would have mattered? And was I doing it for him or to end my own pain?
I hold these moments close to my heart because they remind me that there is so much more going on around me that matters.

just lint

I'd love to write for you something witty or something you might find a little valuable but my mental pockets are empty.

The whites of his eyes

I'm sitting on the train and this guy across and a little to my right is studying me. I had made the mistake of looking out the window as the train came up from underground. This indicates to some that I am strange or new to the city. Why else would anyone make the effort to stop reading, turn around and gaze out the window? And my gaze was a bit wistful as it was so beautiful out and the neighborhood I was looking at was the one I just moved away from.
I gave up too much information in my action. I don't have a poker face really and my eyes are not only the windows to my soul but every possible emotion traveling through. Some have taken me for a push over because of this which can leave people surprised in the end.
What can I say? It's best if I wear sunglasses and stand very still if I'm trying to be remote. But as I was not trying to be remote and felt it was worth any inquisitive stares to see what I wanted to see while feeling what I wanted to feel, I craned around with chin in hand and watched my neighborhood pass by.
We had gone back underground and the guy is staring with a so-you're-new-meat look or a serial killer you're-looking-like-the-pigeon-I'm-going-to-follow-home-and-do-icky-things-to look. I couldn't tell which because if I held his gaze longer than two seconds he would have read my non-poker playing you're-a-rude-dick look and I was too tired to see what that would have wrought.
Instead I hike my book up so it obliterates his beady eyes from view. This took a bit of balancing considering the height of the man. My book was well above eye level for me and with every bump I had to reposition my blind. I balanced this way for three stops at which time I got out and he stayed. It's safe to say he wasn't giving the serial killer look or if he was he too was too tired to see what it would have wrought.

I should have stepped on her

I'm in such a foul mood. I walked home from the train behind this insipid little twit who scuttled along at snails pace, making sure she was in front of me the whole time. She ended up being a neighbor in the same building on the same floor. god I wish I could tell her to visit my blog so she could read about the pathetic impression she gives. She reminded me of those little multi-legged water bugs that wander around your tub till you wash them back down. Sorry for the comparision, little water bug.

A much later edit: Good god! What a pisser I was.

I said Move you f**er!

I can get really mad at inanimate objects. I've acquired this trait from my dad,

shaken and stirred

through many years of watching him curse shelving, lawn mowers and cleaning supplies. My dad can make any model vacuum feel ashamed.
I have continued in the shaming of these uncooperative objects, I sometimes hit them with other inanimate objects to really punish them when they don't do what I want.
You see, the mind of these objects is designed to enrage and deny easy usage. They are programmed at the factory. This feature creates hyper-tension and sometimes heart attacks thus keeping the population at bay.
I was just reprimanding a zip-lock baggy for not cooperating and as a result my heart has quickened it's pace, bringing me closer to hyper-tension.
We're always complaining about the state of our government and civil rights, blah blah. What about the conspiracy going on right in our cabinets, closets and tool sheds? When are we going to say, "Hey man, you better fucking move or I'm gonna bust you into a thousand tiny pieces."?

What did they do with my jacket?

So I was on the train this morning and I realized my jacket smelled like dog. Like stink dog that you see out for a walk, think is cute, go to pet and wish you hadn't.
I'd left my jacket at a clients over the weekend and apparently they used it to dry the dog off.
So I'm sitting there mashed next to a lovely woman who was on her way to midtown to her job behind a desk, freshly showered and smelling crisp and clean.
I kept getting these whiffs of stink dog and I would brace myself for the lovely woman to loudly announce that I smell and would I kindly get up. I shoved myself as close to the arm rail on the other side as I could. Every time the doors would whoosh open I prayed the fresh, stale aroma of new subway air would mix in and dilute stink dog jacket. I started to get hot and the heated smell of stink dog was even better.
I imagined that every new person had been told telepathically by the woman next to me that I'm the cause of the bad air. My stop finally came and I slinked out, hunched over, hands together as if asking for forgiveness.
I really need to ask what they did to my jacket.

Watch This

Thanks to the fabulous Abbey Normal,
I have this to make you laugh: Evolution of Dance
It's a must see.

Multi-Generational Blogging

My dad has started his own blog,

shaken and stirred

I'm very excited about this. He's a great read so please go over and say Hi.

A meditation for the world

It goes like this:

This is for all who I have looked upon in my life. Those forgotten and those remembered. Be they human, animal, places and things. Those I love, like, dislike and hate.
The Light of the Universe comes down through my crown chakra, through me and out in every direction, on earth and elsewhere, finding these humans, animals, places and things. The Light empowers them with all that It is.
(Here I visualize this Light illuminating out of me and circling the world and also out into the universe to those who are not here anymore.)
This Light as It searches, enters and illuminates those humans, animals, places and things it encounters as well as those It's looking for. In humans, It plants the desire to forgive and be gentle, It wipes away hatred, and detaches people from their obsessions and any goal that separates instead of unites. It forgives and adjusts karma. To all humans, animals, places and things It touches, The Light brings such joy, strength and peace, It clears chakras, emboldens vitality and centers firmly.
I meditate on this for 10-15 minutes and let what comes, come. For a closing I give thanks to the Universe and release the Light.

these intentions are a powerful way to give to the world. We all don't have to go out and volunteer you know...

And he doesn't like ice cubes on his paw

My dog stepped on a wasp today.
He loves to rub in the bushes in the park. It's his bliss and it's my bliss to watch him. All dog worries, grumpy moods and fears disappear when he's leaning against the branches of a bush, pushing his face into the leaves. He smiles.
He was walking through and under the leaves, pressing his face into the branches when his lazy rhythm turned to a quick exit. He came to me with his head down and nestled between my feet and lifted his back leg in pain. I looked under the bush and a wasp was crawling on the ground.
I'm not so maternal when it comes to human kids. You'll never hear me say, "I love children." I like some of them, some I don't. But when it comes to my little furry beloveds, I am crushed when they are in pain and the look of fear in my dogs eyes sent my stomach into a lurch. At first he couldn't walk on his leg and I almost panicked and hailed a cab to take my dog the vet. Then I pulled it together and decided I might need to carry him (70 pounds) two blocks to the apartment. Sure.
It's a very uncomfortable knowing I can't solve the problem. I can't make it all better.
Luckily Mur (my dog) wasn't allergic to wasps, he walked the pain off and by the time we got back to the apartment his main concern was dinner.

Smells fishy

I was reading Fetch Me My Axe.
belledame222 talks about how a certain woman whose blog she's reading is contemplating leaving her boyfriend because she feels an obligation to the feminist movement to disassociate herself from men and possibly become a lesbian. All this in order to stop giving energy to men.
This is a pretty old school radical approach. To enter into a personal lie to better the environment for women is like jumping into a pool to save someone when you can't swim.
What do you think?

A commercial on TV just asked, "If you took a trip and just made left turns, where would you end up?" Hmm, back where you started?

mind f*cker

I don't want to tear myself away from this spot on this chair in front of this window. If I move I will have to deal with a host of new sensations, visuals and sounds. The idea of going down and over to that store that sells window ACs seems as perilous as trekking across dangerous jungle.
If I stay glued to this screen I won't be irritated with every emotion about or thought of 'Kate' and my little animals that live with her. I'm so irritated that I wrote that.
In my head she sits on a throne and she doesn't even want to. She's not aware of any of this mental rubber burning, she hates when I write about her. Why have I put her here and why does she get the throne? I would like to sit in a throne sometimes. God, I'd love to get over myself right now. Do I really need to sit in a throne in my head? Ohhh how profound, how deep, how tedious. Shake it off, just shake it off.
Must go buy window AC before I convince myself of my own importance.

Flush?

You have GOT to go over to http://redstapler23.blogspot.com/ and read Sue's, The Rules of Poop.

I see dead people..if I'm lucky

So my friends and I are in a class to increase our psychic awareness and this class has changed my life for the better. I have learned about my Spiritual Guides and have gotten readings from friends and loved ones who are now in spirit. I have become in tune with my spiritual being and any jest after this point is done light heartedly and in affection and love.

That being said, even though I'm in the second level of this class I'm not so good at it. My teacher swears everyone thinks they aren't going to become more open but by the time they hit level 4 amazing things happen. Well, let me say I have total faith in the idea that we are all psychic and it takes evolving to realize this. I'm just not sure I'm going to evolve enough in this lifetime.

Wouldn't it be funny if at the end of level 4, in our last seance ever, my teacher says, "Robin are you getting anything for anyone?", and I say, "Ahhh, no."? I would rather this didn't happen but, by god, everyone would remember me if it did.

My friend, we'll call her Lori, is a bawdy dame from Queens who takes no prisoners when it comes to the observation of the ridiculous and she sees pretty much everyone as ridiculous.
Here are some of her observations of our class, I've edited a little to protect my own ass, I mean, protect the innocent.

1) Our teacher likes to draw male stick figures (badly)

2) When meditating, your stomach growls.

3) I shouldn't wear tight jeans because it shortens my breath and strangles
my chakas (Chakras).

4) Our Teacher pays $3500 per month to live in that building.
(Editor's note: our class is held in the conference center of our teacher's building where he lives.)

5) Our teacher pays his rent by telling us that we are the best Level I class he
has ever had and to sign up for Level II.

6) You love the homeless, I despise them...ingrates.
(*Editor's note: This is aimed at me and I'm not sure where this comes from.)

7) A group of girls in a "classroom" MUST eat a mass amount of chocolates,
candies and cookies.

8) There is no hot water in the building's bathroom.

9) We suck at telepathy... me with the strappy shoes and sexy legs and you
with the families and the picnics with dogs and squirrels. Pathetic.
(*Editor's note: This is aimed at me and again I don't remember the reference. Must find this out.)

10) And the top 10 thing I've learned in Level I....Too much fake tanner
makes you look like an alien from the planet Orangina.
(*Editor's note again: This ones for our teacher.)

Credit and the lives it stresses out

I just checked two out of three of my credit reports and my credit is good! I won't go into details.. well just a little.
Ten years ago I walked away from three credit cards without paying them. Since then I've lived as an ashamed guilty non-credit having wretch. A couple of years ago 'Kate' got me a card with my name on it that we thought was on her credit but low and behold! It's on my credit and it's in good standing, so I have good credit. Go figure. I'm so happy.

You heard Mrs. Fortune had her baby boy right?