I have continued in the shaming of these uncooperative objects, I sometimes hit them with other inanimate objects to really punish them when they don't do what I want.
You see, the mind of these objects is designed to enrage and deny easy usage. They are programmed at the factory. This feature creates hyper-tension and sometimes heart attacks thus keeping the population at bay.
I was just reprimanding a zip-lock baggy for not cooperating and as a result my heart has quickened it's pace, bringing me closer to hyper-tension.
We're always complaining about the state of our government and civil rights, blah blah. What about the conspiracy going on right in our cabinets, closets and tool sheds? When are we going to say, "Hey man, you better fucking move or I'm gonna bust you into a thousand tiny pieces."?
7 comments:
Just the thought of you standing there cursing at a baggie is almost bringing tears to my eyes. And it's not just a pregnancy hormone thing.
I never thought about this conspiracy but you have a very good point.
Your dad sounds like a very curious fellow.
They exist to torment us.
MY SON does all of those things! If he gets mad at his Matchbox cars, he'll hold them up to his mouth and scream "STOPIT!"
He has even dropped the "f-bomb." But at least he's done it in anger and in the right context....
You know I am right there with you on this. I am sure you have seen my reactions live in person during the time we shared a house.
Just the other day I pitched my potted plant out the front door and on to the lawn because it dared to wrap itself around my purse handle when I was in a hurry. Boy, did I make that plant sorry.
Mrsfortune- It was a very bad baggy.
BB, aka Dad-Lol, yes he is a very curious fellow.
SE-bastards
Lisa-Oh my god! I love your son and wish to see this tantrum of his. He mirrors me as a child.
Sue-tears came when I read about that conniving, spiteful plant of yours.
I love you guys.
I scream at my computer and other "inanimate" objects. If indeed they truly are...
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