My mother's picture sits on my desk. It's about 25 years old actually. Writing that seems absurd. Was I really 10-11 when that photo was taken? Am I really this old? Yes.
I've become a person who is on the backside of 30. A person who finds herself washing out zip-lock bags for reuse. I do not get leered at as much as when I was 25 and I have been called Ma'am by teen and early 20 year old restaurant workers.
This idea that I'm not one of those people who attracts or is attracted to 20 somethings anymore is something I haven't thought much about until now. It lends a touch of panic to my shifting life. Why panic? I'm touchy lately so the feelings bump a little harder.
I can't help but think I'm going through a shift in my head about who and what I want near and close to my heart. I don't want to define and categorize but there seems to be some of that going on. I won't say I'm not open to situations and people who don't 'fit'. But there's a turning over of puzzle pieces so they face up. I want a clear and honest view of the picture on the box.
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5 comments:
I know what you mean, although I'm still on the "lighter" side of 30. It's still damn weird to realize that there are kids now old enough to smoke or vote who were born after Reagan, or pretty near.
Ahh, 37, if only.
Being closer to 100 than to 37, now that's scary!
I will be 45 this year. Ejole. I am way more of a ma'am than anything else now. I still think I am a girl. No one else does. I am grandma age, at least in my early-marrying family.
I feel odder than ever. I never wanted to do what other people were doing and I didn't. And now I am out of so many clubs and in so few.
It is all very strange.
I'll politely refrain from mentioning that even though my bday is next month (june 14 - flag day), I will only be as old as your mother's picture.
yikes. it's a strange sensation, to slowly become aware of the *lack* of attention being paid. you had to create a sort of shield for the attention that was focused on you, at one point, only to realize latently that it ... is .. no longer necessary. that the shield can begin to come down.
gives ya pause.
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