I asked a friend, Joan if she knew of a good petsitter. She did and gave me the number saying in her very french accent, "She's a very good person." I called the woman and arranged the petsitting gig for this Saturday and Sunday. In the process she asked me where I was going, and as I sometimes do, as I like to be precise, I told her it was a complicated situation. That she would be staying at my ex's apartment where our dog and cats live and that I don't live there, I'm not the one leaving, the ex is and that I, for various personal reasons can't stand to be there for more than a couple of days. (I'm staying Thurs. and Fri. only).
Clearly as you read this you're saying, "This broad gives way too much info." You're right and not the first to say it.
Edit, delete and edit. I tell myself often.
So we organize and we're done. I call Joan back and thank her. I ask her if this woman is a lesbian by chance. I couldn't help it, her voice was nice and gave off that vibe. I was curious. No she's not. And this is where everything that can happen regarding misunderstandings and language barriers does.
Somehow Joan assumes I'm asking because I'm afraid the petsitter will reject me and my pets if she knew I was a lesbian. I told her this is not why I asked that I'd told this woman the situation and all was fine. My friend in her best open-minded-pro-gay-teaching-me-to-be-confident-and-not-to-worry-about-such-things way, proceeds to launch into how I shouldn't have to tell anyone about my personal life and that this woman would accept whoever I was and that I shouldn't worry about such things.
I was very irritated and when Joan gets something in her head that's it. She gets on her pro-humanitarian soap box and lectures about her supreme ability to accept and love everybody and everybody else should do the same. This tirade ensued so I left this conversation to the gods that file our many misunderstandings.
So yesterday she tells me Pamela, her daughter speaks to the woman who's petsitting for me. They're friends. And wouldn't you know, Pamela (as well meaning as mom) asks the woman if I told her about myself and if that was ok with her. When the woman says yes, fine, doesn't matter. Pamela gets the green light and continues saying I shouldn't have had to do that as it's ok and we're all just one big family here on earth. Soap box talk. Joan tells me Pamela and she told the woman, "She's a lesbian But, she's a really good person." That everything was ok, just fine.
What the fuck?
This is where I must get on MY soap box and say to all well meaning folks, If you really believe in the equality and inclusion of all, check the language you're using, you may find you need to ask yourself if you really practice the philosophy you preach. And don't preach for christ sake. It makes you a target for people with blogs.
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10 comments:
Aw crap, I will never ever forget the time I was talking to you and the word I chose to give as a contrast to homosexual was "normal." Slap me with a heteronormative noodle. I learned something that day - that my head is more messed up than I thought. I won't make that mistake again. I thank you for not attacking me at the time, because I deserved it.
It's ok! lol I did it just the other day! I said to my roommate (straight) something about dating services for gay folks linking to 'normal' dating services. She said, "Normal?".
I laughed my ass off.
I forgive Joan and Pamela. They're intentions are in the right place and with the language barrier it's hard to have such a complex conversation without being misunderstood so I've left it alone.
I guess I just wish the constant defining of who they are, (liberal, open good people) and what they expect from the world (everyone to be nice to each other and animals) was less about talk and more about doing.
You are not in this catagory.
you are a lesbian AND a good person.
awww, thank you my friend.
It's sad when well-meaning people do bad things. ;)
I know, because sometimes when I'm most sincere, I end up saying the assiest thing. Sigh.
Intentions aren't enough. But you are a good person! Bumble thinks so too.
I've had people say about me "she's jewish, but she doesn't act like it." What the hell is that supposed to mean???
And I don't get why someone would feel the need to say you're a good person after saying you're a lesbian. As if statistically lesbians are less likely to be good people than straight women? I'm boggled.
SE-it's so to easy to say dumb things. Tell Bumble Aunty Robin says he's my favorite rabbit and SE, you're not so bad yourself my friend.
Mrs.F-Hi! how are you my jewish friend who doesn't act jewish? I'm a lesbian but I don't act like one. So I guess that makes us good people.
I've said things similiar. I'll start talking and before I've finished, I realize I've headed into a really ignorant direction and I never meant to go there.
I'm convinced we're all so silly.
aiyiiiee.
well, maybe it is a language thing. you are more generous than I, I think.
"but"
aiyieee
"She's a lesbian But, she's a really good person."
huh???
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