Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Bad dreams

I had a dream about my ex the other day. Her face was hot with accusations and anger. Made this way by long months of living in the constant pain my actions caused.
She was packing her suitcases. She was leaving me. I was laying in a bed, the room was all white and there were a lot of people milling around. I had so much I wanted to say to K but was inhibited by her anger and the strangers walking through. There was such a feeling of loss and missed opportunity. The hopelessness of the scene was very sad.
To the left of me, crouched and leaning against the wall was K's new girlfriend (this is a real person). She was there as a witness, an interloper. I was enraged when I saw K had brought her. K's face was hard and defiant, glad to see the pain in mine.
I reached out towards my replacement. I grabbed her hair, she stayed motionless, expressionless looking at me. I pulled harder and harder wanting her to cry out and struggle. Nothing.
With a tug, her head popped off like a dolls.
I had her head in my hands and still her expression was unchanging, she was unimpressed.
Talk about feeling powerless.

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